White Witch

Say what you will, this classic stands the test of time.

There are two type of people in this world. Those will will use all the ice in the freezer without a second thought to other other people in the house, and those who will use it and then promptly refill the icetray.

Which category do you fall under?

Shaking in her boots,

S.

Sparks

Our song, Kuwait.

"Curiosity is the lust of the mind." - Thomas Hobbes 

Like the first world cliché that I am, I've been wallowing in self-pity and despair for quite some time now. I want to say it's a a recent development, but the truth is I've been drowning in this current state of emotional bullshit since about past November. I hadn't noticed it as it began to take root because I spent inordinate amounts of time ensuring I had my hands full; writing for this blog, researching things about Kuwait, consuming KU in all it's cannibalistic glory. What's funny is that I never intended for this blog to be personal in any sense of the word. My original intent was to use it as a creative platform on which I could (objectively) document my year at KU through funny posts, satirical essays and the odd compilation of photos.

Time has (once again) proven that the joke's on me.

After initially signing up for a couple of summer courses at KU, I spent a week trekking back and forth to the campus only to realize that my time there had come to an end. Where I once felt at ease and completely liberated, I found myself fighting off anxiety attacks and swallowing far too many urges to scream. If nothing else, these past few years in Kuwait have taught me to recognize when I'm not wanted. The love affair with KU, however satisfying, had come to an unapologetic end. While I attempted to look the other way and just keep going through the motions, a very integral part of realized that two semesters was all I would get and give to Kuwait University. There was no charm in this third attempt at magic.

Magic... What a captivating notion.

It manifests itself in a myriad of ways. Precious circles pulled out from behind tiny ears, queens and kings manipulated for our gain, doves freed from the most obscure emptiness are all examples of where our thoughts rush to when magic is brought up. We often fail to recognize its manifestation in the details. In our want to be overwhelmed and left gasping in awe, we give away our wonder to the most menial of things, thinking it doesn't get any better than this. Sitting here, I'm slowly accepting that it probably won't. My inexplicable sadness is rooted in the realization that things weren't always this way.

A long time ago, I once felt and saw magic in so many things. One area which, in hindsight, always leaves my mouth slightly open in wonder is how any relationship developed. As has been stressed upon frequently enough, I moved around a lot as a child. Realizing that this pattern would be my life (or at least a sizable part of it) I made it my mission to savor and learn as much as I possibly could from any and every person that entered my life. Mind you, this was before the dawn and eventual take-over of social networking sites, so when it was time for me to move on and leave behind these new people in the past, they stayed there. It wasn't so much a choice as it was due to a lack of options.

Now, I have options and I have no idea what to do. Do I continue trying to find balance and work at maintaining frienships or do I just do what I always do and pack up, leave town and start over? I don't want to, but then again I have been doing this all my life. Anything other than this would be too different. It would propel me out of my safety zone. I don't want to spend difficult moments and lonely nights abroad taking comfort in the fact I have people "back home". I don't know when Kuwait became home. I don't want it to be home. I don't want my peace of mind to depend on other people, if only in the tiniest sense.

Did I mention I'm moving to Ireland in about six weeks?

I probably didn't, did I? You'll have to forgive me, as I've spent copious amounts of time doing the one thing I vowed to never do: I've been looking back on my life these past 12 months and regretting more than I ever thought I would. Perhaps if I had remained out of reach things would be easier for me now. Perhaps if I had just remained content with wondering, as opposed to experiencing, I would still have that lusty mind of mine as a safe-haven. But, my mortality was solidified by the fact my curiosity got the best of me.

I wanted, and so I got and now I have. What do I do with all of it?


Dying to repent,

S.

PS - What's up?  

Stay Tuned

I've been tripping a lot lately. 

S.

Dynamite

This one is for the boys in polos... Just kidding! (I hate those douche-bags.)

"Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away
Beating like a drum and it's coming your way
Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass
He got that super bass"

Drummers are so badass.

Because I Have To

Who else can make reading philosophy sexy? (To be fair, I already think reading & philosophy are very sexy).

 Happy Birthday Lady Gaga! 

Labor Pains

I LOVE HER. Also, this photo was simply added for my amusement.

I'm taking a break from writing, blogging and thinking.

I just need some time to clear my head. Nothing dramatic. 

Missing you already,

S. 

PS - It's my 19th birthday on Saturday.

The Good Stuff

I may or may not have been Joni Mitchell in a previous life.

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada
And your face sketched on it twice

Reincarnation aside, I've often wondered what "home" really means. I was born in the US, raised in Canada, spent some time in Sweden, lived out my summers in Syria and I'm now currently kicking it in Kuwait. What I'm trying to say is that I've never really had a place I call home. 

I'm not speaking about "home", as in the house you live in with your parents, roommate, partner etc. I'm talking about home on a much larger scale. It could be an entire country, it could be a single street in the corner of some obscure town (You know, one of those places that still think "Apples" & "BlackBerries" are fruits).  Home could also be someone's arms, or a distant memory. I don't really know, the definition of anything differs from one person to the next. I'd like to think we all eventually find our way home.

Me? 

I'm still looking for a home.

Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
And still be on my feet

Side note: life is not fair. 

Nursing her drink,

S.

PS - The lyrics to this song kill me.

PPS - I have no idea why I'm being such a woman lately. I think it's the 'Month of Love'... it's getting to me.

Gag Me

The song's name has been changed from 'S&M' to 'Come On' in some regions, namely the UK.

While today's post veers slightly off topic, it's something that's been bothering me for a while now. Add the recent release of the above train-wreck to my simmering frustration, and I've had it. 

Seriously.

Before I move on, I'll just take a cyber second to make clear how I feel about love & sex. This isn't to explain myself or my opinions, but rather to put everything into context. After all, what are words without context?

Growing up, we spent a few years in Sweden and this may or may not be common knowledge but the Swedes are high functioning hippies. What does that mean, you wonder? It means that their relaxed approach to human sexuality is what I took away from my time there. Well, I took away a lot from my time spent there, but this is the most relevant for the issue at hand. (I promise to write about my time in Sweden in greater detail sometime soon). So in short, my stance is as follows: 

• If it's mutual and consensual then it's none of my business.
• I'm not a prude, but leaving somethings unsaid and private keeps them special. 
• That's all.

'S&M'... What a tragedy. 

I don't have anything against Rihanna or her music in particular, but 'S&M' is the straw that broke the camel's back (kinky, I know). I'm not going to attempt to explain what S&M actually is, but I'll just say this: Rihanna has no fucking idea what she's doing. My super-human ability to analyze the hell out of anything suggests that she's trying to convey the sometimes sadistic relationship between celebrities and the press/paparazzi. I get it: sex sells. However, I'm just not buying into this constant degradation of something we should be treating with more respect.

While not entirely original, the song is layered. The lyrics are average, the beat catchy and the hook insane. Nothing out of the ordinary when it comes to Pop music. Hell, I've even jogged to this track, and I like the entire album (Loud) for what it is: cookie-cutter Pop. I'm telling you all these things because I want you to understand that I don't have any grievances with RiRi or her sound. I do have a problem with this particular music video. 

'S&M' is not the first, nor is it the last, tribute to this irritating trend. Upon closer examination, it's not as ridiculous as I remembered it before I began writing this, but it pays the price for being the most recent misstep. It's just so sad to see people so willingly sell out and turn the extraordinary into something menial, cheap and ordinary because they want record sales. I'm all for free speech, and have been a vehement opposer of censorship since middle school, but this? 

It's just lacking, in taste and thought.  

Seeking out the sacred,

S.

PS - I gotta say though, RiRi looks damn fine.

Hush

**Disclaimer: This is my attempt at being "open" and "vulnerable". I'm not very good at it, and I apologize in advance**

Apologies for not posting anything yesterday. While I am trying to post daily for the duration of the 'Month of Love', yesterday something felt off. I was doing that thing where I ignore my feelings, and so I couldn't think. When I can't think, I can't create and so I can't blog write. 

That's life for you. It's a vicious cycle, but I'm beginning to talk in circles... 

Melancholy aside, I've got a song to share with you today. It falls under the "Bitter Ex-Lover" category of love songs, so you know I was all over it like bees on honey. I'll be honest, apart from this song, I don't really listen to Damien Rice. His style in music is a bit too something for me (I'm not sure what). At this stage in my life, I listen to music to either escape reality/daydream, get pumped up for the gym or both. I'm a very sensitive person (shocker, I know) and so listening to some songs just hurts. If that makes any sense.

'Delicate' is one of those songs. 

"So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known?"

I preach about love, but I carry around a lot of hate. I am so angry, furious really, over and at so many things, we'd need a couple of lifetimes just to go through that list. It's so hard, being this angry all the time, being so bitter and hateful. I try my best to not inflict it on other people, and so I keep to myself, minding my own business. However, anger being what it is, it needs somewhere to go. Since I refuse to send out that much negative energy out into the world, it lives inside me. It eats away at me. All the time.

 

I've tried letting go, I've tried turning to God and religion, I've tried forgiveness... but it's useless. 

 

Nothing works.

What I'm trying to say is that my life hangs in a delicate balance. Don't mess it up with your chaos. Don't ask for something I don't have. Don't ask for something I can't give. Don't try and trap me with your words, into your world. Don't make me regret everything that came before you. Lastly, don't make me ruin everything that will come after you.  

 

Love? Love is easy. It's hate that is delicate.

Licking her wounds,

S.  

Beats

Who wants to guess what's on fire?

On this blog, we (my ego and I) preach about love and acceptance. Today is the first day of February, so that being that, I OFFICIALLY declare February to be the 'Month Of Love'. What does this mean, you wonder? Well, it means a lot. It includes, but is not limited to, the following:

• Posts discussing the reality of dating (and things of that nature) in the Middle East, Kuwait specifically. 
• My favorite love songs and why I like them (Yes, feminists have feeling too) (Sometimes).
• Love songs I find to be ridiculous and just straight up stupid (Bruno Mars, I'm looking at you). 
• Patriotism, and what it means (It's a form of love, and Kuwait's national holidays are in February, so I'm still with the theme). 
• Why it is my dream to die alone and husband-less
• All and any other random philosophical bullshit that I come up with.

Yes folks, I've decided to inject my blog with a healthy dose of tear-inducing estrogen because February is, if nothing else, a month of bullshit and promises. Oh, and love (I always forget that last one). So, I'll do my best to post daily and keep it relevant to Kuwait all while being fun. By fun, I mean ridiculously inappropriate... Or clever... Or both.

Moving onto today's post: The Implications of A Glance

In honor of of all the crazy shit I see on Gulf road and Valentine's day, and being the deluded blogger with a God complex creative genius that I am, I've decided to score the stereotypical Kuwaiti fling using lyrics from various songs I have on my iPod. The themes are love, exchanging numbers, phones, money, driving, highways, stolen glances etc.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a Kuwaiti love affair from start to finish. 

I apologize in advance Enjoy.

The Implications of A Glance

Christina Aguilera - Genie In A Bottle

Hormones racing at the speed of light
But that don't mean it's gotta be tonight
Baby, baby, baby
(Baby, baby, baby)

 The Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good

 Stop making the eyes at me, I'll stop making the eyes at u  
What it is that surprises me is that I don't really want u to

Timbaland & Katy Perry - If We Ever Meet Again

Ya habeeby Baby tell me what's your story
I ain't shy, don't you worry
I'm flirtin with my eyes, wanna leave with you tonight

Rihanna Feat. Drake - What's My Name

You just waiting on the traffic jam to finish girl
The things that we could do in twenty minutes girl

Beyonce - Yes

Somewhere between hi and goodbye
I felt so comfortable
I felt like we could BBM talk all night
So I gave my number to you

Lady Gaga - Summerboy

Hey there summer boy
Let’s go for a drive
Take me for a ride
Never gonna close our eyes
Hey there summer boy
I’m a busy girl
Don’t have too much time
Hurry up before I change my mind

Pause

Sia - The Co-Dependent

Feels like we are married and I haven't run away, run away, run away
So many years I've carried you in my arms
Yet I stay, yet I stay, yet I stay
And still I come a-running when I hear the telephone,
telephone, telephone 

Ace of Base - All That She Wants

The gentle voice that talks to you won't talk forever
It is a night for passion
But the morning means goodbye

No Doubt - It's My Life

And I've asked myself
How much do you
Commit yourself?

Skip

Lady Gaga - Telephone  

Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna think anymore!
I left my head and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna talk anymore!

No Doubt - Don't Speak 

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we? 

Shuffle

Shakira - Don't Bother 

So don't bother,
I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
Promise you won't ever see me cry
And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type, not your type, not your type, not your type
Promise you won't ever see me cry

2Pac - I Ain't Mad At You

And I can't even trip, 'cause I'm just laughin' at cha
You tryin hard to maintain, then go head
'Cause I ain't mad at cha
I ain't mad at cha

Repeat

Shuffling her thoughts,

S.

PS - How did you interpret the story? You know where the comments go.

Acapella... Ella... Ella

Her voice (acapella or otherwise) is just... perfection.

Guess what? Just try. TRY! No? Fine...

MIDTERMS ARE OVER! (For now anyways).

What does that mean? Why should you care??? Well, for starters:

• I now have MORE time to blog (read: bitch) about stuff
• I can finally sleep without feeling guilty, thinking "I should/could be studying right now..."
• I have time to style my hair to perfection. Bad hair? I'd rather die.
• I just have more time, therefore I'm content. Simple pleasures and what not... Meh.

I'll be honest, I winged most of the exams but whatever. I'll just make up the difference come finals, because I'm strategic like that. Or not. We'll see if I'm blogging from Ireland next September. Until then, feel free to hold your breaths, because it WILL happen. If it doesn't... Well, I'm just not going to think about that. Not yet. 

However, I digress... (Been doing that a lot lately) 

I've got yet another biology assignment to do, but I just thought I'd pop by and inform my lovely (albeit silent) readers about what to expect before the new year is upon us. (I'll try to write them all before then, but no promises). These next few posts are going to be a bit more about "me", and a fraction lighter in regards to material/content. I want to end 2010 with a good, positive vibe and so I'll save some of my rants for next year. Cool? Great.

Here's what's next on the docket:

• What went down in 2010, and what this year meant to me (It's been the best/worst year of my life).
•  The explanation behind my (rekindled) love for Asalah.
• My plans/goals for 2011.... JUST KIDDING. I don't make plans, because I'm too busy trying to live life.
• Why I suddenly began to think (realize?) Kuwaiti  guys are indeed bangin' hot. My take on patriotism, if you will (You should, it's GOOD).
• If you're still reading this post, I hope -Dear God do I hope- you've realized this whole thing was yet another royal attempt to procrastinate. Who's a winner? I AM! That's right, say my name... 

Craving the sound of your cheers,

S.

PS - What topics would you like to see me blog about?
 
PPS - If you read my blog, and don't comment, I curse you! I curse you with all my Canadian might... That basically means you get a cookie and a hug. Can't win them all, I guess. 

Under The Mistletoe

Christmas. My favorite holiday of the year since I was a little girl. Eid was never really for me, and it still isn't, but what are you gonna do? Well, I can't do much other than play Christmas music until the day I get to leave Kuwait and celebrate the best holiday ever somewhere more familiar to me. However, this is meant t be a happy time of year, so I'll cut my whining short for tonight. 

To lighten the mood, I'm going to share the best Christmas song I have EVER heard. Why? Because it puts just enough sleaze into Christmas to make it fun. What can I say? I have an acquired taste.

The lyrics speak for themselves. Enjoy! 

Hoping she made the 'naughty' list,

S.

PS - What's your favorite holiday and why?

When Two Worlds Collide III

A bit of a stretch, but I definitely see some resemblance. Plus, they're both pretty wacky in equal, but opposite, ways.

Al Qaddafi. LOL...

Pat Monahan, lead singer of Train. Double LOL...

Thinking she should hit up Hassan's,

S.

Bits and Pieces

Don't say anything. Just listen.

My original intention for this blog had been to virally document my time in Kuwait (and KU) in a humorous, albiet distanced, manner. I was hoping to touch upon some social issues, garner some laughs and if I could get  even one person to rethink their approach to any of the topics I've discussed... Well, that would just be a great bonus to an already fulfilling endeavor. However, in this journey that I set out on (for all the wrong reasons), I've come to realize many things. Truths about myself, Kuwait, the people that make up my life and life in general. Some of the discoveries have been good, others great, while some were altogether heart-breaking. The fact that I'm using the word heart-breaking to describe events in my life shows me that I've grown as a person.  Perhaps you, my loyal readers, can sense it too? I don't know, but I'd hope so. This "honest vulnerability" thing is harder than it looks.

In the past, I would write and speak in a manner that was brilliant (or so I was told), but cold. I taught myself to inject passion into my words, rendering them relevant and sincere, without ever actually expressing emotion. At least, none of my own emotions. I spent many years living, speaking and dreaming in an abstract world I had created for my own amusement and, now looking back, protection. However, I think that phase of my life is (if it hasn't already) ending. As I slowly grow more confident with who I am as a person, a woman and a thinker, I feel  less of an urge to constantly blur my reality with ambigous words, which I only ever used to protect mysef from my own thoughts. Looks may kill, but thinking can torture. That much, I've learnt from my short time on this planet.

Since this was meant to be an update on my life, I suppose I should add some of that jazz into the mix: life's been very interesting lately. There's been some anger, a few surprises, a couple of comforting revelations and a lot of love. I really like that last part. It's a nice change, to have a heart and mind consumed by insane amounts of love and affection, as opposed to the hatred I'd been used to for so many years. Going back and forth to KU is still a stain upon my life, but it's my job to take advantage of all the resources I'm lucky enough to have (especially as a woman), so I'll just white-knuckle it and do my best. On a brighter note, I hope next fall will see yours truly blogging from Ireland, granted I make it alive and sane through this year. It's going to be interesting to see if that ever actually ends up happening, but time will tell.   

To wrap up this sickeningly positive post, I just wanted to let the universe know that I can feel it; I can feel the change, the energy surrounding this next stage of my life. I worked off a heart to get here, but I wouldn't change a thing. Hopefully, this advent of love will make for some interesting reading for the two of you that keep up this thing. 

Now if you'll kindly excuse me, I need to go ruin someone's day with a snide remark. I can only be so nice at a time. Baby steps, right?

Feeling half-heartedly whole,

S.

PS - How's your life these days? 

PPS - Yes, I listen to a select few Arabic singers (More on them in a later post). Don't give me hell about it, it's bad enough my mother thinks I'm "in love" because of my newfound musical leanings...

When Two Worlds Collide II

Remember back in August, when my uncanny ability to tie in my Western upbringing with my Eastern background lead me to this conclusion? Since I've got nothing better to do (Well, that's a lie but I don't feel like doing my biology paper right now), I've found yet another silly overlap. This time it's in the form of two baby-faced crooners from two very different corners of the globe. 

American Idol (2008) runner up, David Archuleta

Qusay Hatem Al Iraqi, Hatem Al Iraqi's son

Freaky? You bet. They could almost be brothers.


Upgrading her intellectual iTunes,

S.

PS - What cultural overlaps have you recently come across?

Shaken or Stirred?

Either way, some things should not mix. Take for example, fire and lighter fluid or how about drinking and driving? Both situations can often lead to grisly outcomes, which takes me to my main point: dubbed TV series and/or movies. You know the ones I'm talking about. 

Look, three years ago the whole "Mohaned & Nour" thing was cute and I  played along because I thought the craze would fade away on its own. However, like that one really old plant we all have, this movement just won't die. I know this for a fact because I tried shooting it in the face, and...well I'm not allowed to discuss any details ahead of the trial. Yeah...

Laughs and such aside, I'm serious. What happened to books and reading? Reading seems to have been tossed aside, along with manners and grammar. These shows and movies are stupid, low brow and a waste of airtime. As if it wasn't bad enough they were dubbing Turkish shows in a Syrian dialect, they are now making them with Egyptian dialects. That's just cruel. 

The worst part of this whole craze is that these shows aren't even popular in their native Turkey. Before I continue, let me just say that I don't think Arabic shows are any better. Unless they're made by Naif Al-Rashed (Don't ask). On the other hand, the Bollywood movies are slightly easier to stomach (Read: Less gag-worthy) because at least they're kitschy. They may lack quality, but the Khaleeji dialect they're dubbed in makes them humorous. Well, more humorous.

If we are to indulge in anything related to Bollywood, I find this to be the only acceptable form. 

Dancing around a lone palm tree,

S.

Drowning in Nostalgia

Some of the best moments of my life were set to the musical stylings of the Backstreet Boys.

Don't knock it, because Pop will never be lowbrow.
Unless you listen to crap, in which case I shall keep you in my prayers.

Takin' em to Church,


S.

PS - Everyone knows the words to at least one Backstreet Boys song, and that's been confirmed by Recent Studies.

Shattered Times

Debbie Harry will always have a place in my heart. Despite her tiny frame, she's always been able to command any given stage with all the gusto of a drill sergeant. Everything about this performance blows me away. The vocals, Debbie's get-up, the lively audience....every second is worth the watch. Further proof I was born in the wrong generation, stick around and here what this majestic blond had to say in regards to the nuclear arms race of former years.   

Warming up my icy heart to the sound of disco,

S.

PS - I strongly dislike 90% of the topics/things my generation occupies themselves with. B....B....M....*Grinds teeth*