Cotton Mouth

"Heaven help me for the way I am..."

I've found myself going through a very strange spiritual awakening of sorts. Well, that's not necessarily the most accurate way to define it but beggars can't be choosers and my metaphors have been lacking these days. Lack of originaltiy aside, I do find that my existence has been drowning in several things; energy, creativity, thoughts, and so on and so forth.

After suffering through almost 4 months of writer's block, I suppose this influx was expected. While I am enjoying it, I'm also irritated by it. Accepting this reality leads to several realizations; the flimsy nature of my mood, the fact I may never run out of something to declare say, and my infamous ability to be "too much". Of all the various things I dislike about myself, that would have to the top choice. There's an old saying that goes, "Complete abstinence is often simpler than moderation", and my life is (at times) something of a tribute to that adage. Perhaps it's my astrological sign, my love for theatricality, suffering from middle child syndrome depsite being the oldest... Who knows why I am the way I am?

(Okay, well I do, but I'm not going to share that here. Hi, Mom.)

This piece lacks any purpose or message, but I needed a way to get rid of some of this "creativity". So yes, I'm very dramatic and over-the-top. It's part of the reason why I'm always hesitant when it comes to relationships of any sort because I have yet to figure out a way to moderate my magic. Let the record show, that I'm my own worst critic so I suppose I'm not as suffocating as I portray myself to be, or at least not anymore.

The plus side? I have a career in theater should this whole medical school thing not work out.

Breaking down the fourth wall,

S.

PS - What is your least favorite attribute about yourself?
PPS - I just realized I enjoy writing about this topic, so I may discuss it a bit more.

Crowning

"What happened here..."

(No, it's not a question, so I won't punctuate it as such.)

Generally, when I write, I'll set the mood with some music, a thought or an idea. Lately, for some reason or other, nothing has been speaking to me. 

My heart is literally breaking with the burden of all these words my mind refuses to release. It's like someone ripped my live, beating heart out of my chest, placed it in my throat and filled my cardiac void with... lead or something. (I'm at a point where I can't even construct an extended metaphor.)

See, how it would work in the past is that I would just be going about my life, doing things. Nothing special. Every now and then, this voice would speak to me. (I'm not crazy, I promise.) It would tell me things, I mull them over, and ta-da! We'd have writing.  We'd have humor, wit, sarcasm, thoughtful arguments and the occasional myopic misunderstanding. We'd have a birth of creativity. Together, we would create such fun little packages of words. (What the hell? I don't even know what I just said.)

Not anymore, though. I can't even come up with any decent bullshit.

That got me thinking... What gives? Why now, when I'm finally an adult, financially independent, physically okay and emotionally stable would this choose to happen? I don't know. 

Fuck this shit.

I'm over this. Actually, I've been over this for a good month now. Nothing is changing and this situation won't fix itself. I need a (new) muse... Maybe. I don't even know.

Blah, blah, blah.  

S.

PS - How have you been?

Jack-El-Ass (Only Arabic Readers Will Get This)

**I apologize in advance, I know my writing is horrible these days, but just bear with.**

As you all know, I've been in the midst of a bout of writer's block mixed in with a touch of melancholy. I'm either upset, bored or stressed. There's no middle ground, not these days. However, this is isn't going to be another piece that sees me complain about my life when I have far too much to be grateful for... So, we shall move on. Okay? Okay.

After I wrapped up what was another pleasant-enough day at KU, I headed off to one of the buildings while I waite for my driver to show up. I don't remember why I was walking in that general direction, but I think I'm dehydrated right now, so I'm sure my reason at the time was valid. Whatever. 

I walk into the building and I see the following:

SCIENCE GOT TALENT!

No, I did not stage this.

I was rather impressed with this booth.

I honestly don't know what they were selling here.

I Instagram-ed this bad boy. Photoshop who?

Business card picked up at the fair, dropped off in grass. #InstagramFTW

As you can see, the Faculty of Science at KU had organized a little fair for this fine Tuesday. The theme was all about showing off local talent. 

What's the first thing I do? Take pictures and make fun of it on Twitter. 

Had I actually taken a moment and actually opened my eyes, I would have seen what a great job these guys did organizing this event. Here was this beautiful, well done and interesting expo and all I could think of was witty (read: stupid) one-liners.  

I have become a bigot.

I don't even know what to say. I've never pretended to be perfect, but for a while there I thought that I had some good values and sound principles. Man, was I in denial.

Anyways, I just wanted to share these pictures and show you that KU can surprise you every now and then.

Oh, and the last typewriter manufacturer closed shop today.

S.

PS - Writing this was painful. My writer's block seems like it's here to stay.

PPS - Suck it Handasa...  Science owned your asses with this expo.

Give & Take

Found scrawled on a table in KU months ago. I thought it was interesting.

Anyhow, today I've got quite a bit of love to share:

• I was interviewed by the amazing Shelly, and you can read the exchange on his blog (which is pretty damn snazzy) here. It's basically the two of us having fun. Oh, and him being super kind and funny, and flattering, and intelligent...

• I've received quite a bit of heartwarming feedback in regards to the blog from the best readers a kid can ask for and... Well, see for yourself. (The graph is a screen shot from my 'Stats' page).  

You punks did this. Thank you.

Thank you Kuwait. For a lot of things.

Sighing 'til Saturday,

S.

PS - I lack inspiration on Fridays, so hang in there with me. 

No Sole

She walks like this cause she can BACK IT UP.

1/11/11.

Also known as January 11, 2011. A momentous day for people who like to add significance to what I'm guessing are their insignificant lives. Oh, the privilege it is of being a member of this dumb ass generation.

(I promise I have some actual politically charged and thought-inducing posts about recent events and topics that relate to Kuwait... However, for the next little while, I'm going to need to vent. Bear with me). 

Let's go through a little rundown of how things are going in my life, shall we?

• Finals - They start Thursday. I'd ask you to pray for me, but we both know that doesn't actually help matters that we're all busy people, and there are people out there that deserve your prayers more. 

• Men - Unless they're gay, I honestly can no longer deal with them (Except my Dad, a.k.a Caribou money supplier a.k.a hero). I  have neither the time nor energy for their bullshit. Period. (Hormonal pun... intended).  That's a lie; putting up with their bullshit is fun and a great way to waste time.

• Health - When I was 15 years old, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. About a year later I had my thyroid removed and now subsist on a daily dose of Thyroxine. The thyroid controls everything in your body. This includes your mood, sleeping pattern, ability to focus, your skin etc. I haven't been to KU in three days because I haven't been able to get out of bed. I've been sleeping almost 18 hours straight everyday and I have pounding headaches round the hour. It's all good though. Not. (If I die, please tell the world my story. Don't forget to mention I was a good writer. Thank you in advance).  

In short, I don't like who I've become. The following is an excerpt from an essay I found in my senior year English binder. The question was "What future career plans do you hold for yourself?". The following was the answer I wrote on October 28, 2009: 

"My future career plans are quite ambitious, but I never saw any harm in dreaming. After I complete medical school, I hope to complete my residency in Canada, the US or England. After that is completed, I will partake in a fellowship to be able to specialize even further in an area of my work. I will work, try to open my own private clinic  and someday open a hospital with my father, who is also a doctor. However much I dislike living in Kuwait, I can see myself working in the country. Although I would work here, it would not be all year, but rather a couple of months at a time while I split my time between here and North America. Lastly, but certainly not least, I would love to become the Health Minister of Kuwait, which I believe would make me the first female to hold the position if no other woman attains.

Unfortunately, my plans are not as random as I had hoped for years ago, but with a general structure I feel safer and more confident heading into the intimidating world of adulthood." 

Looking back, I guess I did have ambition. This new girl I've become is not cool. I hate her fucking ambition-less guts don't like her. Considering how it's me, myself and I at KU, this is proving to be quite the problem.

Oh, and in regards to the title of this post and the photo...

Christian Louboutin was in Kuwait.

Mass hysteria ensued. Apparently.

The masses continue to live deluded lives, unaware of what is actually going on in their own country... but Hey, 600kd shoes are a big fucking deal, okay?

Too pissed for a pun,

S.

PS - How are you doing?

PPS - This was supposed to be posted before midnight. I failed, therefore the glitch between the dates. I apologize for my inability to be my usual epic self.

A Vote For The Future

 "Scientia potentia est (For also knowledge itself is power)"

Sir Francis Bacon 

  

Today was the first day of the elections at every campus affiliated with Kuwait University. The handasa majors put down the protractors, med-students ditched the cadavers and the ever ubiquitous business majors abandoned their BlackBerries as they stood in line in the sweltering midday heat, waiting for their turn to exercise their right to vote and support the party that fell in line with what they believe KU (and Kuwait) should stand for.
At this point it's no secret that I am a raging Feminist, and believe in a FULL level of equality between men and women. Before I continue, and for the record, my hatred of men has little to do with my Feminist antics and more to do with the assholes who feel the need to smoke inside KU's buildings, despite very clear signs that prohibit such behavior. You are not bad ass. You are an idiot. You are a male.... I digress; so after a bit of cautious poking and prodding, a little investigative work and heaps of simple observation, I voted for the "Istilafya" party. On the ballot, they are categorized under religious/conservative, which has lead to several people cry out against my choice to support this particular party. Apparently, as a Feminist it would have made more sense for me to burn my bras and protest against whatever misogynist occurrence I felt like having a go at for that day (Believe me, there's plenty to choose from in KUckooland).

I never justify the things I do, but I will explain my choice this once because it's rather shocking how narrow minded and short-sighted people can be when it comes to elections and casting your vote. In this case, I spent the majority of my first week doing several things: Walking around and discovering KU's campus, trying to learn about Kuwait's youth culture from observation and last but certainly not least, I observed each party and weighed on the things I saw them doing before my own two eyes.  Photocopies of sold-out textbooks, directions, the girls taking you to whatever class you had next....the Istilafiya girls left nothing to be wanted of them, which is a rarity when it comes to school/university politics. They are there for their female colleagues, END OF STORY. What people won't realize is that despite Kuwait's push for women to seek an education, the system still works against them. The minimum GPA's for any major differ between male and female applicants, with the minimum always being higher for females. The lion's share of priority and attention leans in toward the direction of the male student body, with them very much at the forefront of everything. As a Feminist, of course it didn't please me to see the girls running around doing the dirty work while the men buffed their Ray Bans and (further) inflated their egos by shouting fascist propaganda bullshit through megaphones. However, if it takes this Feminist voting for a conservative party to ensure that all her female colleagues needs are met, and that they graduate university with degrees in their hands, so then be it. Feminism is not some stupid romanticized Julia Roberts' movie; it is the fight to ensure women have access to all that men have, and that they are not treated or dismissed as though they are second-rate citizens. It is a fight I will always stand up for, no matter what I have to do.
If you still don't understand why I voted for the party I did, then you know nothing about what Feminism truly is.

Swinging a deal with a devil in a dishdasha,

S.

If Does Not Mean When

If I were a boy.

If I were indeed a boy, my life would be very different. I could come and go as I please, bust my way into Ministry buildings, demand immediate attention, be brash and rude only to have it shrugged off as me just being a "reckless young man." I could spend hours in my friends' dewaniyas, just hanging out and goofing around, because KU requiring a lower grade percentage for each faculty in the male division means I wouldn't have to kill myself to ensure a future that will be waiting for me. A future that sits there waiting for me to finish living up my bachelor days. A future that hears no evil, sees no evil and certainly will not speak of past evil. If I were a boy, I would be immune to society.

Should I decide to grow up, I'll have a mother eager to see her son married.  A father proud to see I've settled down, and eager to see it happen. Arrangements could be easily made. I wouldn't have to worry about the consequences of my past behavior because no one cares to pass judgment when you're a boy. 

I'm not a boy. 

S. 

The Power of Punctuation

A woman without her man is nothing.

A woman, without her man, is nothing.

A woman: without her, man is nothing.


Stroke your beards to that,

S.

PS - I have trouble believing that we are the same species as Lynda Carter. *Sighs, heads back to stationary bike*