Moving

I think I'm almost over this case of writer's block.

Also, life has been very... full lately, so I do have some updates for you guys. However, things are going to change.

While I'll always cherish this domain for everything it has given me, from comments to friendships, I've lost the main reason I loved it so: I'm not as anonymous as I once was.

As you can see, my writing is still atrocious so I'll wrap it up and leave you guys with this:

I'm moving the blog to a more anonymous domain. Please feel free to leave your email in the comments section below or drop me a note at theexpatess@hotmail.com and I'll update your inbox with the new details.

I'll check back in a few weeks and hopefully get back to writing for you guys soon enough.

Calling it quits,

S.

White Towels

This song pretty much sums it all up. 

(I'm officially taking leave.)  


S.

Crowning

"What happened here..."

(No, it's not a question, so I won't punctuate it as such.)

Generally, when I write, I'll set the mood with some music, a thought or an idea. Lately, for some reason or other, nothing has been speaking to me. 

My heart is literally breaking with the burden of all these words my mind refuses to release. It's like someone ripped my live, beating heart out of my chest, placed it in my throat and filled my cardiac void with... lead or something. (I'm at a point where I can't even construct an extended metaphor.)

See, how it would work in the past is that I would just be going about my life, doing things. Nothing special. Every now and then, this voice would speak to me. (I'm not crazy, I promise.) It would tell me things, I mull them over, and ta-da! We'd have writing.  We'd have humor, wit, sarcasm, thoughtful arguments and the occasional myopic misunderstanding. We'd have a birth of creativity. Together, we would create such fun little packages of words. (What the hell? I don't even know what I just said.)

Not anymore, though. I can't even come up with any decent bullshit.

That got me thinking... What gives? Why now, when I'm finally an adult, financially independent, physically okay and emotionally stable would this choose to happen? I don't know. 

Fuck this shit.

I'm over this. Actually, I've been over this for a good month now. Nothing is changing and this situation won't fix itself. I need a (new) muse... Maybe. I don't even know.

Blah, blah, blah.  

S.

PS - How have you been?

Jack-El-Ass (Only Arabic Readers Will Get This)

**I apologize in advance, I know my writing is horrible these days, but just bear with.**

As you all know, I've been in the midst of a bout of writer's block mixed in with a touch of melancholy. I'm either upset, bored or stressed. There's no middle ground, not these days. However, this is isn't going to be another piece that sees me complain about my life when I have far too much to be grateful for... So, we shall move on. Okay? Okay.

After I wrapped up what was another pleasant-enough day at KU, I headed off to one of the buildings while I waite for my driver to show up. I don't remember why I was walking in that general direction, but I think I'm dehydrated right now, so I'm sure my reason at the time was valid. Whatever. 

I walk into the building and I see the following:

SCIENCE GOT TALENT!

No, I did not stage this.

I was rather impressed with this booth.

I honestly don't know what they were selling here.

I Instagram-ed this bad boy. Photoshop who?

Business card picked up at the fair, dropped off in grass. #InstagramFTW

As you can see, the Faculty of Science at KU had organized a little fair for this fine Tuesday. The theme was all about showing off local talent. 

What's the first thing I do? Take pictures and make fun of it on Twitter. 

Had I actually taken a moment and actually opened my eyes, I would have seen what a great job these guys did organizing this event. Here was this beautiful, well done and interesting expo and all I could think of was witty (read: stupid) one-liners.  

I have become a bigot.

I don't even know what to say. I've never pretended to be perfect, but for a while there I thought that I had some good values and sound principles. Man, was I in denial.

Anyways, I just wanted to share these pictures and show you that KU can surprise you every now and then.

Oh, and the last typewriter manufacturer closed shop today.

S.

PS - Writing this was painful. My writer's block seems like it's here to stay.

PPS - Suck it Handasa...  Science owned your asses with this expo.

Foundations

"I wouldn't call them dreams, because that's not what they are."

The above quote is the first sentence of a post that I attempted to write yesterday. 

That's been happening a lot lately. I'll been wandering the depths of my own mind, only to stumble upon an intriguing thought. I'll try to grab at it, trying to hold onto it, knowing there's something there... but I fail.

I thought about writing a piece detailing my recent inability to write, but I can't even do that.

I'm losing my only talent.

S.

Slice & Dice

"Playwriting gets into your blood and you can't stop it. At least not until the producers or the public tell you to." - T. S. Eliot

Change playwriting to bitching and suddenly, we're all going through déjà vu. 

Right now, I will be honest... I'm slightly embarrassed by my recent behavior on this thing. I've accepted the fact that a few weeks ago, I was in dire need of a reality check. Self-imposed pressure, faltering dreams and self-indulgent moodiness can leave even the most lucid of us disillusioned. Despite what I like to think, it turns out I'm only human.

Outraged with how Kuwait wasn't morphing into Canada, I grew to be bitter and angry. It happened over a very long period of time, so benignly and at such a slow pace that I didn't even realize I was rotting from the inside with resentment and regret. Each time I looked back on my old life, I saw nothing but missed opportunities and chances I didn't take. Rage blinded me to all the smiles I managed to put on people's faces, the laughter that drowned out teachers and all the tears that were hot enough to melt away the 10 months of winter we enjoyed back home. What I'm trying to say is that I faltered by lashing out, but you guys were there to shake some sense back into me. For that, I'll forever be grateful. 

The past was good, even better than I remember it to be, but it's the past now. I've made my peace with that fact.

As for you, Kuwait? Well, I'm not very good with apologies, so that's all you're getting out of me.

No, seriously. I'm not one for eating my words, so the last couple of posts still stand.

 

In the meantime, I want you to know that there's something I'm trying to say, but I can't figure out how to phrase it. I'm telling you all this because it's 2:50 in the morning and I can't come up with a smooth transition for the second half of this piece. 

However, I digress...

I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm trying communicate. Not to say that it doesn't exist, because it does. The inevitability of sending this thought out into the world is casting shadows all around me, telling me it's there. I'm not really going to listen to it just yet, but at some point or other light will be found and blogs will be updated.

Speaking of blogs and updates, you've surely noticed that my baby blog has undergone a change of sorts. I've changed the domain name and mission statement. I was rapidly approaching my one year anniversary as "The Expatess" when I realized that's not who I am anymore... So I killed her. 

(Look closely; that's her blood behind these words.)

It was quick and painless, but necessary. Her hatred, ignorance and bigotry weren't going anywhere so I took her the a vacant lot in my mind and did away with all that nonsense.   

A slightly extreme response, but it was long overdue. Once upon a time, I was she, and she was I. The latter gave way to me realizing that the former no longer stands as truth. I no longer live in this country as an expatriate among my own people, among Kuwaitis. I think it's safe to say I've set roots down in this desert. That said, I don't know how long this ecologically influenced performance art piece will last, but some intrinsic part of me suggests that I'll be around long enough for my lovely readers to see my leaves change color.   

Oh, and just in case you've forgotten... 

I love you.

 

S. 

PS - I was actually listening to this while I wrote this long-winded piece. Sue me.

ICU

Kuwait?

I think we need to start over.

S.