Sunday, April 10, 2011

Good God

Here's the deal: I've hit a dead end.

I walk and talk and chit and chat. I'll read about Communism, go to bed, I get up in the morning. I paint my face, pick out a few accessories. Figure out what pair of shoes to spend the rest of my day wincing through. I sit in class, humor professors. I ignore classmates, shoot dirty looks and avoid eye contact with anything that is not the brainchild of Steve Jobs.

In short? I'm existing. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Honestly, I have no business complaining about my life. I have a roof over my head, pretty things to amuse my inner Kuwaitiya, parents who are alive and healthy (if not always available), and access to an education, however mediocre it may be. 
I pay several hundred Kuwait Dinars a year to ensure I move around enough (gym), spent inordinate amounts of time making sure I'm not eating too much (diet). I get up in the middle of the night to adjust the temperature of my room. I wear a sleeping mask once the sun rises, because it's too bright and I can indulge and sleep in far after it has shattered the past.

My own privilege has numbed me right up. I feel nothing.

Also, the lack of any real struggle in Kuwait has helped in that respect. Not to say that there aren't people in Kuwait who struggle financially (for sure personally), but the majority live comfortable lives. They don't really understand what it means to struggle... with anything. They don't push themselves. They just sit back and let all of Kuwait's security wash over them. They just sit there and soak in all their dissatisfaction, mediocrity and lack of ambition.

Well, either that or they start selling cupcakes.

(Apologies for the disgustingly long winded tangent. I was going somewhere with this post). 

Ah, yes.

On the drive home from the gym today, I saw a huge neon sign somewhere near some highway. The word? Allah (in Arabic though). For a split second, the only image that came to mind was that of Las Vegas. 

Sin City. The Devil's Playground. Basically where good people go to do bad things.

The two represent such different ends of the spectrum of choice that is life, but here they were being sold off in the same manner. Big, bright, bold and in your face. Perched atop a building, that neon reminder of some unconfirmed deity just glares at us. It doesn't comfort. It doesn't confirm. It's just condescending.

I want to get out of KU. I want to move the hell out of Kuwait, and not return for a healthy three years. I want to grow up. I want to leave. I want a fresh start. 

I had so many of those growing up; we'd move every 12-18 months. Now? Nothing. I've been stagnant for two and a half years.

In short? I'm just angry.


PS - I'm working through a horrid bout of writer's block, so bear with.

PPS - Fahad, you rock.


  1. intay 8aleelat adab :)
    you're a miserable bitch and you justify that by criticizing Kuwaiti way of life? Everybody here is happy! Theoretically speaking, our society sucks and all. But in real life, it's really not that bad! Stop being a weird outcast and be normal, maybe then you'd see/like what Kuwaiti society can offer.
    -a person that wants the best for you

  2. Let me just say, the previous comment just serves to prove the assertions your making about Kuwaitis...we're content with our mediocricy and we tend to reject people that point this out, when we try to hard to deny it.

    So, for that, I applaud you. We have grown so complacent as a society and even with protests emerging from every neighboring country we have...fighting for change...we remain "content".

    Your humor makes it a little more acceptable to be well, insulted, but I thank you for your honesty.

  3. Needs more, "... and the highlight of my day is visiting Bodie in his office."

    On a more serious note, stagnation is a bitch, abd that's especially true in a society like ours, where stagnation means moving on to the next stage in your life.

    "Bored with studying? Graduate and get a job. Had enough of the single life? Well, get married. Your wife being a pain in the ass? Get her pregnant."

    What's that line in Fight Club? The nation of kids fathering kids? Yep, Kuwait in a nutshell.

  4. Anon 1 - If you wanted the best for me, you'd at show give me enough respect to not call me a bitch knowing it's one of the most demeaning things someone can call another woman. However, I won't waste my time and energy on showing you exactly how pathetic you are so in short? Suck it.

    Anon 2 - If you go back and read my earlier posts, you would see that I have done my very best to see the good and funny in Kuwait and KU. I can only lie to myself for so long. However, I do acknowledge that I often shove everyone under the same critical umbrella when I criticize Kuwait. The reality is that I've met some of the most amazing, inspiring mind blowing people here. I can't imagine my life for a day without the friends I've made here. And you know what? I wouldn't want to.

    Bodie - THANK YOU. You understand what I was clumsily saying. Sometimes you can't just move onto the next stage of your life because this one sucks. People don't seem to get that.

    Bonus points for quoting Fight Club (one of the best movies ever made).

  5. here the deal: its your own fault for failing to plan ahead and making your life meaningful or epic!

    sure! the environment you live in does play a factor but in the end its the people that are needy and require change and action. so why would people want to struggle-4-fun when their physiological, security and affiliation needs are fulfilled in our dear deera? (lol)

    the Pizzle Nizzle:

    take me for example: im planning a mini rebellion in about 3 years with possible legal ramifications. if your still bored i shall give you a call little trouble maker

  6. you guy's just don't get it and you never will. what's wrong with being mediocre? we don't all have to be Bill Gates, nor do we all have to be failures. and everyone is happy with the whole stagnation thingie. sometimes you just take what life gave you and make the best of it, something Kuwaitis are known for. we're known to not complain that much.