Sunday, January 30, 2011


It's almost February, and foam is illegal this year. We'll see about that...

As you all know, I'm currently on winter break from KU and so I've been taking it easy for the past few days. You know the drill: eat, sleep, cry about your life, eat some more, go to the gym and repeat. What can I say? I'm a party animal. Also, if Kuwait had clubs, I feel fairly confident in saying they couldn't handle me.

However awesome whatever I just implied may be, I digress...

Let's get down to business, and by business I mean let's pick apart the finer points of our Kuwaiti society. (When I blog about Kuwait in a harsh manner, I include myself in the pronouns used. Genius? Yeah, I'd like to think so. I'm still an outsider though).  

Today's target: Wataniya

Before I move forth with this social crusade, I'd like to make a few things clear:
  • I am Wataniya customer myself, so I have earned the right to talk smack about them. 
  • I own neither a BB nor an iPhone. My phone is one of those awesome 5KD phones that doubles as a weapon. Blunt force trauma is your friend.
  • Despite how ridiculous this chat culture has gotten, I neither judge nor condemn those who use it. It is pretty lame if that's how you hook up with people though. Like, whatever happened to Marina mall? Remember that place? Romance is just dead these days...   

The other day I was just laying on my bed and in the midst of a fierce staring contest with my ceiling, I was rudely interrupted by my phone. I had just received a sext text. Me, being the social hermit that I am, there were really only two possibilites as to why someone would text me:
  • Friends want to go out for brunch (RARE).
  • Wataniya sending me another promo SMS (Not so rare.... All the while reminding me how little of a life I have).

Anyways, I received the following twexts (Twext: When you receive more than 1 text at a time. Think obsessive boyfriend... Or Wataniya. Copyright pending):

First in Arabic (You have no idea how long it took to type this up. The things I do for you punks... Also, it's slightly jumbled because of format, but you get the picture.)

دردش على راحتك و تواصل مع أصدقاء جدد مع WCHAT ارسل "دردش" الى 1666 او اشترك عن طريق الواب من موبايلك. للمزيد اتصل على 122.
Then in English (this is where shit gets good),
Be anyone, and chat with everyone anonymously with WChat! To join now, send "WCHAT" to 1666 or login via WAP from your mobile phone. Call 121 for details.


So, what I am to understand from this is that it's NOT okay to socialize with the opposite sex without social stigma, BUT it's TOTALLY cool if I want to spend an entire night talking to strangers? Oh, talking to strangers ANONYMOUSLY? The fact that the "anonymous" angle is the selling point for Kuwaitis is disgusting. The fact that this company supports this disgusts me. The fact that Kuwait is sold as being an "Islamic Nation", despite the blatant bullshit I see everyday disgusts me. 

Seen outside my chemistry class in KU. Ironic? Yes.

Honestly, I don't blame the youth here for being so strange and bizarre. How are they supposed to develop like normal human beings when everything with the opposite sex is stigmatized? (Well, unless it's anonymous and being pushed forth by your phone service provider). I don't give a shit what the Salaf say, interest in the other (or same) sex is normal. What's not normal is oppressing generation after generation of young people, until you're left with nothing but an entire country of sadistic and sexually confused people. All this bullshit, and people wonder why Kuwait's social structure is crumbling underneath its own weight? 

Wataniya, keeping you socially connected and emotionally isolated since 1999.

Feeling the frustration,


PS - How do you feel about Kuwait's "conservative" society being so transparent?

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Iron Fists

Today is the first day of my month-long winter break. Several events have happened in the past little while, so let's take a cyber-step back and reminisce. Shall we? (Just kidding, this is my blog. Your opinions are void). The list is as follows:
  • My first semester as a (read: unwilling) student at Kuwait University has come to an end - If I pass Chemistry, know there is a God (I barely touched my textbook ahead of finals. I'm sorry but I don't care about titration. Not in the least).
  • Officially entered my last month as foolish 18 year old Canadian Syrian Kuwaiti - My birthday is in a month. Spend that 1000KD wisely kiddos. 
  • That's it - It's sad how little of a life I have. The first half of my E! True Hollywood Story is going to suck.

Speaking of life, I can't help but feel very down in the midst of mine these days. When I was younger, I gladly took all the awkward moments, bad haircuts and social stigma of being me (It happens when you're this brilliant) the universe threw at me, with the understanding that my life would rock when I was older. As a 9 year old, I dreamed of the 19 year old me. I envisioned her as a happy young woman, with a double major in English Literature and Political Science. She'd spend rainy Wednesdays hiding out in European coffee shops, discussing philosophy and all that fun, but meaningless, existentialist bullshit for hours at a time (Yes, in my vision I'm a douche-bag). At the time, I thought it was a simple enough fantasy for myself. I just wanted to be doing something I love, and to be graced with good company and even better conversation.

But no.

I end up in Kuwait. 

Readers of this blog know how much effort I put into trying to see the  good in Kuwait. I look for redeeming humor at KU. I search street signs for poetry, glance at shadows looking for life and listen for beating hearts in rush hour traffic. All five sense are stretched, and then some, but I'm left in the dark.

My life has become a tunnel, in which I can look neither left nor right. I'm forced to stare at my future, and there's no light at the end if this tunnel. I despise my major, but I only agreed to it in hopes it gets me out of Kuwait. I'll gladly trade the fulfillment and devotion I felt to writing in order to leave this country for a decade. A sad trade off, but I'm left with very few options.

Once a girl who cried during the "Save A Child In Africa" infomercials/documentaries, I have lost the ability to empathize with people. Feelings never factor into my decisions, not even with those closest to me. A mask is what I wear during the day, and it works well enough. People see what I want them to see. They see what they want to see. Sometimes I come across as a mildly interested young woman trying to read the Arabic on posters around KU, other times my face is as blank and as emotionless as a gray wall. My classmates don't like me, and I couldn't care less for them. They are shallow, insignificant and irrelevant women who refuse to challenge themselves. They have neither academic wit not domestic prowess. The few interactions I've had with the boys at KU have been entirely underwhelming, but there's some hope there. The women... They're just hopeless. I can't help but feel as though Feminism is being wasted here. It even seems as though they enjoy being dependent and ultimately subservient. 

Honestly, I don't even know what to say anymore. Living in Kuwait is like living with 2 million copies of the exact same ignorant dumbass. The real kicker? The Salaf aren't the worst of the bunch.
Kuwait, where it's not a stereotype... It's a way of life. 

I've grown bitter. I'm tired of looking for a silver lining amongst all this golden silence. My mind has grown rusty, and this metaphor has begun to feel cheap (Damn... I've still got it).    

Choking on her pride,


PS - Don't diminish the respect I have for you (my readers) by attempting to defend Kuwait. Seriously.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Hey, Big Spender...

Despite my celibate ways, I often joke that I'm in a deep and committed relationship... With Kuwait. 

Kuwait. Where do I start? Is there even an end? Are you still reading this? Good.

This country is what it is. Meanwhile, in another galaxy, I'm me. Unfortunately, neither reality is changing anytime soon. So like oil and water, we're simply not meant to be. Not without a third party anyways (Scientifically speaking, this third party would be an emulsifier. Don't say my blog isn't informative!). While I crave conversation and progressive change, Kuwaitis seem to yearn for something else entirely. That thing varies from person to person, but the one constant that never changes is the need want for money.

Seeing as how I am now Kuwaiti, you would think I'd be pretty excited about the 1000kd gift being granted to each citizen in honor of Kuwait's upcoming milestone anniversaries, right? WRONG. I have no interest in money. I never have and I'll be damned if I ever will. Like I said, I don't care for money. Give me paper and a decent pen, and I'm content. However, I digress. What was I talking about? Oh yes, Kuwait. I'll keep this short. Ready? No? Too bad.

Kuwait, I love you, but things need to change. You know what I'm talking about. As a people, you should be encouraging your government to spend grants/gifts like this one on areas that need the financial support. Your crippled educational system, faulty streets and questionable medical services all spring to mind. 

In short: Your government is there for you. Please try to be there for your country.

I remember first hearing this song almost 10 years ago. At the time, I recall thinking that I would someday dedicate this song to whoever I ended up falling in love with (There's still time). Well, here I am today. I love you Kuwait, and I want to see you better. This is my gift to you.

I didn't quite understand the meaning of this song then, but I do today... and so here I am, ten years later, dedicating it to you. 

Hoping you'll spend some time,


PS - Like that fateful feline, curiousity is my fault. So tell me, what are you going to do with your 1000kd?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

No Sole

She walks like this cause she can BACK IT UP.


Also known as January 11, 2011. A momentous day for people who like to add significance to what I'm guessing are their insignificant lives. Oh, the privilege it is of being a member of this dumb ass generation.

(I promise I have some actual politically charged and thought-inducing posts about recent events and topics that relate to Kuwait... However, for the next little while, I'm going to need to vent. Bear with me). 

Let's go through a little rundown of how things are going in my life, shall we?
  • Finals - They start Thursday. I'd ask you to pray for me, but we both know that doesn't actually help matters that we're all busy people, and there are people out there that deserve your prayers more. 
  • Men - Unless they're gay, I honestly can no longer deal with them (Except my Dad, a.k.a Caribou money supplier a.k.a hero). I  have neither the time nor energy for their bullshit. Period. (Hormonal pun... intended).  That's a lie; putting up with their bullshit is fun and a great way to waste time.
  • Health - When I was 15 years old, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. About a year later I had my thyroid removed and now subsist on a daily dose of Thyroxine. The thyroid controls everything in your body. This includes your mood, sleeping pattern, ability to focus, your skin etc. I haven't been to KU in three days because I haven't been able to get out of bed. I've been sleeping almost 18 hours straight everyday and I have pounding headaches round the hour. It's all good though. Not. (If I die, please tell the world my story. Don't forget to mention I was a good writer. Thank you in advance).  

In short, I don't like who I've become. The following is an excerpt from an essay I found in my senior year English binder. The question was "What future career plans do you hold for yourself?". The following was the answer I wrote on October 28, 2009: 

"My future career plans are quite ambitious, but I never saw any harm in dreaming. After I complete medical school, I hope to complete my residency in Canada, the US or England. After that is completed, I will partake in a fellowship to be able to specialize even further in an area of my work. I will work, try to open my own private clinic  and someday open a hospital with my father, who is also a doctor. However much I dislike living in Kuwait, I can see myself working in the country. Although I would work here, it would not be all year, but rather a couple of months at a time while I split my time between here and North America. Lastly, but certainly not least, I would love to become the Health Minister of Kuwait, which I believe would make me the first female to hold the position if no other woman attains.
Unfortunately, my plans are not as random as I had hoped for years ago, but with a general structure I feel safer and more confident heading into the intimidating world of adulthood." 

Looking back, I guess I did have ambition. This new girl I've become is not cool. I hate her fucking ambition-less guts don't like her. Considering how it's me, myself and I at KU, this is proving to be quite the problem.

Oh, and in regards to the title of this post and the photo...

Christian Louboutin was in Kuwait.

Mass hysteria ensued. Apparently.

The masses continue to live deluded lives, unaware of what is actually going on in their own country... but Hey, 600kd shoes are a big fucking deal, okay?

Too pissed for a pun,


PS - How are you doing?

PPS - This was supposed to be posted before midnight. I failed, therefore the glitch between the dates. I apologize for my inability to be my usual epic self.

Friday, January 7, 2011

The Meat Grind

No burgers OR hot dogs. Metaphorically speaking. Yeah.  

The first week of the new year is quickly drawing to an end, and here I am... Or should I say, here we are? Yes folks, you read that correctly: The Expat Files now has FIVE followers! Count them and weep! Also, when you're done weeping, get back to reading this post. Please and Thank You in Advance.

(If I ever get ten followers on this thing, I'm starting a religion. Humanity... Consider this your warning).

However, I'm getting off track here. Let's head back to my main point: The new year. 

Culturally speaking, a new year generally means a new beginning, right? Seeing as how I successfully killed it with three out of four of my resolutions for 2010 (I still get panicky around Kuwaitis in large numbers), my ego was feeling rather fluffed and so I decided to really challenge (read: willingly make myself miserable) this year, and set out on conquering a few more goals. They are as follows:
  • Become a vegetarian, and slowly phase into a completely vegan diet - This one of for my health, and because I didn't think I was giving people enough reasons to dislike me. I've been meat-free for almost 10 days now, and I'm feeling good. I'll dedicated a more detailed post to this and the reasons behind sometime
  • Get out of KU - My entire blog is dedicated to this point. Any further explanation will see me jumping off of Kuwait Towers. Seriously.
  • That's it - I apologize for not having more of a life. 

Bullets aside, I can't deny I've been feeling very disillusioned as of late. My first semester at KU comes to an end next Wednesday, and so you would assume I'd happy. Why would I be happy? Well, let's see:
  • I should be happy to have made it through the first three months there.
  • I should be happy to have made it through the first three months there.
  • I should be happy to have made it through the first three months there.
The only downside to that fact would be the fact that I still have semester 2 and the summer semester to get through... AND SCENE. 

I'm done bitching. For now.

This entire charade was just my way of declaring my new meat-less life. Think of it as my way of protesting my time spent at KU, as in I refuse to kill animals to survive if I can't kill the cows I got to school with.

That, and I'm trying to get out of a creative funk.  

    Basking in the after-taste of inspiration,


    Lyric of The Day: "She could kill me, just like she did before..." True Love Way - Kings of Leon

    PS - Have you conquered any goals recently? You know where the comments go.

    Sunday, January 2, 2011

    The X To My Why

    (Edit: This was written as a letter sent between two lovers who can never be together. Why? The girl didn't think their astrological signs were a good match. It was my new age take on star-crossed lovers. We were reading Romeo & Juliet at the time. English, grade 9... Good times).  

    While I'm more of a hard-hitting journalist (read: deluded blogger with 4 followers), I do actually enjoy writing fiction every now and then. Sadly, life has side swept me and I haven't had a whole lot of free time. What with KU, preparing my blog posts and life in general, I'm lucky I have time so sleep. However, I found one of my creative writing pieces from a few years ago. Enjoy. 
    (It's kind of lame). (You've been warned).

    Dear Someone,

    It’s on days like this one that I hate you. I really, truly hate you. I was stuck in a miserable loop of heartache and shame when we met, so much so that I never even considered you for a second. I was not remotely impressed, nor did I even give you a second thought. That’s where I messed up; I didn’t see you as the threat you were, and so I didn’t feel it necessary to put up defenses. You were nothing to me, you didn’t mean anything. 

    Now, you’re not everything, but you’re pretty damn close. 

    It’s frightening how much you affect my mood. I feel like a small child, clinging onto you, wanting you to be everything to me. That last part is where I begin to freak out. I’m not used to needing people, certainly not to this extent. Glorious as it was, I can’t help but sometimes wish we had never we met. I’m too young to feel this old and heart-broken, and I’m tired of constantly yearning for you. All these emotions make me feel weak; I should be above yearning, above wants and needs, above love.
    As far as I can tell, I love you. I don’t think that will ever change. I don’t look forward to the day we’re both older, and we’re married, but not to each other. It’s stupid how far ahead I’m thinking. I told you, you’re aging me at a rapid pace.

    It probably won’t ever happen, us I mean. It wouldn’t work out, but I don’t think I’ll ever find another like you. I constantly compare people to you. None of them quite hit the spot. You’re my constant imaginary companion, and we do everything together. Crazy? I believe so.

    I miss you so much. I love you even more. 

    While I’ll never stop loving you, today is just one of those days when I don’t like you.

    Today, I hate you.

    (Regretfully) Yours,

    PS - Any thoughts or comments?