Au Revoir & Bonne Chance

I feel so...

I can't quite place my finger on it. I don't feel hopeless; actually, I feel the opposite. I've never had this much to look forward to in my entire life and here it is, resting at my heels just waiting for me to rise and claim it as my own.

My fate? My destiny? Who knows what it is.

I think I'm scared.

I haven't felt anything real for so long now, that I've lost any recollections of what it is like, being alive I mean. The fear that counters the joy, the horror that challenges the hope, the misery that swirls around happiness, like cream in your coffee, making it bearable and worthy... etc etc.

I've never had to say a meaningful goodbye, and yet here I am in Kuwait trying to pencil all of them in what was supposed to be my blank page, my fresh start. So, I'm scared and being a coward. I wish I were more capable of love, and less willing to hate. I try to see in myself what so brightly blinds me in others, but it never amounts to anything more than a fleeting glance. For three years, all I had my gaze on was leaving. The departure, the exit, the curtain crashing onto this dusty stage. Now that it has really come to an end, I find myself shocked. Surprised by the ending I'd predicted. 

Creative differences is why we're splitting up. It's what I'm telling people anyways.

This is my last offering to you, Kuwait. For a while anyways; you all know how unpredictable I can be. 

Wiping them away,

S.


PS - I'm writing this from Abu Dhabi's airport, which is a surprisingly dull place despite alcohol being sold here.